Dating

I’m all about people who are just starting to date each other keeping some things to themselves until they feel comfortable enough to tell the other person. However, there are certain things that a man and a woman who are dating each other should know about each other by the third date. Honesty and trust have to be put into place right from the beginning. If you don’t have those, then you don’t have anything.

Whether or not either of you are married
Some people out there are open about the fact that they are married but still on a date with you. Some people are interested in having an affair, some are separated. Either way, the person is still married and that information should be shared. One of my girlfriends was dating a man who told her on the fifth date that he was married, but wanted to date her anyway. Some people are on the don’t ask, don’t tell policy. If the person that they are on a date with doesn’t ask them if they are married, then they feel that they are technically not lying about being married. There are, however, the majority of people who are married and trying to date on the side that aren’t going to reveal the fact that they’re married at all.

Whether or not you are dating other people
There are those out there who will casually date several people at one time until they decide on one person that they want a relationship with. Some may think that this information isn’t necessary to disclose, however, the other person may think that they are the only person in your life that you’re dating. Before feelings actually get involved, it’s best to reveal if you’re dating other people.

Whether or not you have ever been arrested and charged with a serious crime
I’m not talking about how you got arrested for protesting. I’m talking about crimes such as robbery, murder, sexual assault, etc. These are things the person you are dating has a right to know about you and vice versa. Besides, with the age of the internet, these things aren’t as private as you would think that they are.

Whether or not you’re transgender or transsexual
Sure there are people that won’t care, but that are people that would. There are also people that wouldn’t care, but if it’s not told to them in the beginning they would have a problem with the fact that you weren’t upfront. It’s best to put the information out there right from the beginning.

Whether or not you have children
Some people don’t care if someone they date has a child, then there are some people that just don’t want to date someone who has a child or children. It could be that that they don’t want kids, aren’t ready for them yet or just don’t want any more kids then the ones that they have already. Whatever the case may be, your (or their) children should be brought up within the first couple of dates.

Whether or not you have an STD
If you have an STD and you’re not telling the other person by the third date there’s a problem. Having knowledge that the person you’re dating has an STD is important. Why prolong the inevitable? Eventually the other person is going to find out if you continue to date them. They should have the option of how to handle things , not you making the decision to leave them in the dark. If you don’t tell them and they get the STD, one of three things could happen. They are going to assume that you didn’t have the STD from the beginning and you cheated on them with someone who had it, that you lied to them by not telling them you had it in the first place or they’re going to forgive you and let it go. Chances are it’s not going to be the last one. Be honest about your situation.

Basically if you tell the other person you’re dating the truth and they don’t accept you wholeheartedly for who you are, then they obviously they aren’t the person that you’re meant to be with.

Speed dating is huge right now if you are a single person on the dating scene. It’s no wonder why. You go on a date with a bunch of people in the same amount of time that you would usually have to suffer through brunch with one bad date. Not to mention if you make a complete fool out of yourself, you only have a few minutes to deal with the embarrassment before that person moves on and you never have to see them again if either if you don’t want to.

How it works is that women sit at tables and are joined by a different man after a certain amount of time. The pair talks for an allotted time and when a buzzer rings, the men move onto the next table to talk to the next female. Both of you check on your cards if you would like to get to know the person better and if you liked each other. At the end of the speed dating session. You turn in these cards and you are contacted within a few days if both of you checked on your respective cards that you liked each other. A little reminiscent of childhood, no? Do you like me? Check yes or no!

Considering that there is so little time to make a positive first impression, this is something that you can’t go into blindly. If you’re going to do speed dating, you may as well do it the right way.

First of all, physical appearance is important. After all, you have under 10 minutes to make an impression so you will be judged by your looks in addition to what you have to say. Not to say that you have to be a supermodel, but for goodness sakes at least look presentable. If you go in there with your hair all greasy and you’re wearing last night’s clothes, how are you expecting to make a positive impression? Dress to impress but be yourself. Don’t dress to conform to what you think other people would like, dress the way that you normally would if you were going out for a nice dinner.

If you meet someone and they have a frown on their face and during your five minute conversation with them they didn’t crack a smile once, you’re going to wonder if they left their personality at the door. No one goes into speed dating saying to themselves, “Hey I hope a meet a guy that hates to smile and has zero personality!” If this is the way that you’re planning on showing up, don’t bother going at all.

Don’t complain how speed dating never works for you and you don’t know why you’re there, that your ex boyfriend got some other girl pregnant when you were together, and how you tried the internet dating but everyone thought you were ugly. You really want to fill the minimum time you have with negativity? Besides it makes you sound completely insecure and unconfident. Be positive and happy!

Look the person in the eye. Don’t stare at the girl’s chest or the guys muscular arms. If you’re talking to the other person’s body parts, chances are you’re not listening to much of what they have to say and you’re never going to get a date out of it.

Stop talking about yourself and give the other person a chance to get a word in edge wise. If you’re so busy talking about yourself, how are you planning on learning about the other person? What are you going to judge them on after you realized that you talked about yourself the entire time- how well they nodded their head at you?

Don’t mention sex on the speed date. This includes the questions “Do you like sex?”, “How many sex partners have you had?” and “What’s your favorite sexual position?”. It’s classless and it says absolutely nothing positive about you at all. Granted sex is important in a relationship, but you’re not in a relationship yet. You don’t need to learn this information now.

Be aware of what you’re doing with your body. If you’re leaning forward with your hands on the table, you look absolutely desperate and way too eager. If you’re sitting there slouched with your arms folded you look like you could care less about the person or about being there in the first place. Sit up straight and rest your hands comfortably. Be relaxed. You’re not in an interrogation room at the police station, you’re on a speed date.

Finally, the questions that you will be asked and what you will ask are incredibly relevant. Think about some questions that you may be asked and have some type of answer thought up. Don’t rehearse it word for word, but at least have some idea on what direction you’re planning on taking your answer in. Get the deal breaker questions out of the way first. If you refuse to date a smoker or you only want to date someone who is the same religion as you, the first questions you should be asking are “Are you a smoker?” and “What is your religion?”.

Some good questions to ask on a speed date are:
What do you do for a living?
Is your current job your ideal career?
How do you handle an argument with a significant other?
What are you passionate about?
What is the most adventurous thing you’ve ever done?
Where did you grow up?
Do you have any pets?
Where do you see yourself in five years?
Are you more of a night or day person?
Do you like sports? What is your favorite sports team?
What is your nationality?
How long have you been friends with your best friends?
Why did your last relationship end?
Were you ever married before?
Do you have any kids?
Are you close with your family?

Speed dating is a good alternative for the people who want to narrow down their dating options quickly and who don‘t have the time to meet people any other way. Just remember not to take it so seriously, just try to relax and have some fun.