Dating

Sometimes it happens by accident, sometimes you just choose to leave them in. Phone numbers of the past dates and ex’s that you’ve had shouldn’t be kept in your phone. Nothing good can come of it.

There’s the option to drunk text or call one of your past dates or ex’s after one too many glasses of wine. You may remember what you said and you may not after you contacted them, but chances are it was bad that you even did it in the first place and you‘re going to be mad at yourself. Don’t risk the chance of saying something that you could regret down the road.

Even if you didn’t text or call after a few glasses of wine and you did it while you were completely sober, it’s still not a good idea. There’s a reason that you stopped dating and talking to them in the first place. Having the numbers still in your phone is just plain temptation, it leaves you the option to contact them out of nowhere “just to say hi”. It’s opening a can of worms that you previously worked your ass off to close in the first place.

Stick to your present and leave the past where it belongs- staying in the past.

I kind of feel bad when people tell me that they met this really great person, they hung out once or twice and talked on the phone a few times. Then after that the “really great person” suddenly became busy. They return a phone call a week later and when you bring up the idea of going on a date they change the subject or make some type of joke. It’s even worse if they complain to you how horrendously busy they are and how they have no time to do anything with their friends.  Here’s why I feel bad.

The people that tell me these stories believe that the person is interested in them. If what I said to you sounds familiar, here are some hints as to why the person is not interested in you.

*If the person wants to talk to you and they’re interested in you, they’ll make every effort possible whether it be via phone call, text message, instant message, email, messaging through a social network, etc etc etc. There are so many quick and easy ways to get in contact with someone that it’s hard to NOT talk to someone. When someone meets a great person, they’re not going to keep themselves from contacting them no matter how busy their lives are. How long does it really take to send a quick email?  If you haven’t heard from them in awhile and they suddenly send you a text or an email out of nowhere and say “I’m sorry I’ve been soooo busy” then chances are they’re not very interested in you.

* When you talk to this person and they change the subject or make a joke when you ask them to go on a date or hang out, they’re avoiding giving you an answer because they don’t want to go. If someone asks you to hang out and you want to, you’re going to respond with something along the lines of “Sure, what do you have in mind” not “Wow you want to take me to a sushi restaurant. I had sushi last night. Let me tell you how sushi is made…”

* If a person has a feeling that you’re going to ask them for a date and they start complaining about how busy they are before you even say a word about it, they’re sending out a vibe to you not to ask them to do anything. If someone wants you to ask them to hang out or ask them for a date, they’re going to hint at you that they have free time sometime.

Basically if a person wants to see you and talk to you, they’ll make the effort to do so. Even people like doctors who work days straight and businessmen who constantly travel still have time to see and talk to people that they’re interested in, even if it’s only to see or talk to that person for a few minutes. Save yourself the hassle, don’t constantly question about why this person isn’t interested in you and instead find someone who is.

When you’re dating someone, especially when you first start dating, there tends to be some yearning for constant togetherness. You find yourself going to work and talking to them all day, going to their home after work and even staying there until you have to go to work again the next day. Some couples live together, work together, and hang out with the same people. Here is why this can start to affect your relationship in a not so positive way.

Constant togetherness can make a person feel suffocated. People need breathing room, they need time to be their own person. Just because they are dating someone else, doesn’t mean that they have to lose their own identity. Their identity is what attracted this other person in the first place. People need their own alone time to do the things that they love to do, yes even if the person that their dating loves it too. Even when you get angry at the other person, where are you going to go to breathe and cool off if you are constantly together with the person that you’re dating. Not to mention if you’re constantly together, you have nothing to talk about because the other person was right next to you when you experienced whatever it was that you would have talked to them about.

Friends are also an important part of who you are. When you constantly combine that with the person your dating, it leaves you no room and no time to make separate memories with your friends and have certain conversations that your significant other doesn’t want to hear. Not to mention friends want to spend time with you, have and enjoy your company and not always spend time with you AND the person that you’re dating.

If you have discovered that you and the person that your dating have way too much constant togetherness, here are some things that you can do to ease up a bit:

Find a hobby that you’ve always wanted to get into and start doing it. Let the other person your dating do their own hobby and both of you can converse when you do see each other about your experiences.

Take a class. Whether it be a cooking class or a philosophy class, take a class that you think that you would really enjoy. Since the person that you’re dating won’t be in the class with you, you can teach them a thing or two about what you learned when you do see them.

Spend time exercising by yourself. While some people say that working out with the person that they are dating is the best motivation that they have, they can still get motivated by that person by verbal encouragement instead of having that persons presence there. Exercising has a habit of opening your mind and giving you plenty of time to think.

Schedule at least one day a week with your friends. Even if it’s for a few hours to have lunch or grab a coffee, make sure that you have this time to have associations and form bonds with other people you care about besides the person that you’re dating.

The topic tends to come up a couple of years into dating the same person. Should you have a joint checking account or should you just keep separate checking accounts?

Joint checking accounts aren’t just for married couples. There are a large amount of couples who are just dating and not married, but that feel the need to have a joint checking account. A good reason for having a joint checking account if you’re dating someone for an extended period of time is if you find it easier to pay for dates with the credit card of the joint checking account instead of deciding who is going to pay or how much each person should throw in. Another reason is if the both of you are saving for a vacation, house or apartment together. If you are a dating couple that lives together, you can use the joint checking account to pay for household expenses.

If you’re going to have a joint checking account, make sure that you have your own individual accounts as well. It’s important to have your own money that you can use without having to answer what you’re using that money for. Not to mention that you should be able to have your own things that you’re saving for.

Before you jump into opening a joint checking account with someone, you need to make sure that you trust them completely. It’s not a decision to jump into lightly. Also, make sure that you know about their financial background and where they see their financial future going.

You go on a fabulous date with someone. The conversation is outstanding, the chemistry is strong and they tell you they’re going to call you. A week later, you’ve heard nothing. You think to yourself- What the hell happened?

Well one of three things happened. Either the date didn’t go as well as you thought, something personal happened to them or the person choked, liked you, but didn’t know where to go from here. Believe me, I’ve had numerous friends and acquaintances who’ve done all three.

I’ve had friends or acquaintances who have been on either end of the misinterpretation of the date. A guy friend of mine went out with this girl, told her he was going to call her and never did. His date was an acquaintance of mine. The girl thought the date was great, my guy friend was bored silly. He stated that he was going to call her because he actually was. Then he backed out at the thought of having to deal with another boring conversation.

I’ve personally been involved in the “something personal happened” reason. I told a guy I would call him and one of my close friends ended up going through a really rough time. I ended up being there for her and it completely slipped my mind to call the guy. When I finally did, he got annoyed that I didn’t call him earlier and didn’t want to talk to me without ever hearing the reason why.

The third reason may sound stupid, but it definitely does happen. The person thinks that you’re too good for them or they just really like you, they have no idea what to do next and get too scared to call you so they just don’t. Surprisingly enough, to some people the mere idea of screwing up is more powerful then the possibility of being with someone.

If a person doesn’t call you after what you think is a fabulous date, then the best thing that you can do is forget about it. If the person wants to talk to you, they’ll make an effort to do it. If something personal happens, then after they go through it you’ll receive a phone call. Don’t sit there and think “What did I do?” because that is the worst possible thing that you can do. Don’t waste your time caring about someone, that doesn’t care about you. If the person calls you after a couple or a few weeks, don’t read them the riot act about why they didn’t call you. Give them a chance to explain themselves. Any good person is going to be willing to apologize for not calling earlier.

Don’t get me wrong, it will definitely be rough if you think you found an amazing person and had an outstanding date, but you won’t have a choice but to get past it. What you can do is get more involved in your hobbies, in your work and in your friends. The best thing you can do to keep your mind off one thing, is to get it involved in another.

There has been times when as a single person, you met someone who was taken and you were severely attracted to them. Do you pursue this person or do you just let it go?

I’ve heard complaints from many friends who tell me that they met someone who tells them that their boyfriend does this or their girlfriend does that- basically complaints. The question to me that follows is “Should I pursue this person who seems to be having problems with their significant other?” My response- absolutely not.

There are many times when you say that your boyfriend does this or your girlfriend does that, but all it is, is complaints. It doesn’t mean that this person is going to break up with their significant other or that they’re even thinking about breaking up with their significant other. If you make your move while they‘re still dating this other person, you could end up looking like a fool not to mention it’s classless. Not only that, but you wouldn’t want someone interfering in your relationship if the roles were reversed. If this person really wants to break up with their significant other, they will. The best thing that you can do is be continue to be friends with this person that you’re attracted to until the point (if it happens) that they choose to break up with their significant other. However, don’t wait for this person. Move on with your own life, date other people. If it gets to the point where both of you are single, then you can make your move. W

Chances are you’ve known one or two of these people sometime in your life either when you were a teenager or as an adult. The girls are in such short skirts that if they bend over a few centimeters the world will see everything and the guys are doing the side to side groin swivel dance right in front of their girl of prey giving them the hooded eye glance.

In case you haven’t realized by now, I’m not really fond of the garbage pickup lines, so I’m definitely not going to be fond of stupid ploys to get someone else’s attention. The best way to (positively) get someone else’s attention instead of showing off is by giving them a glance, a look from across the room. I remember this guy who got my attention one time when I was younger and at a club. The guy was an excellent dancer, the kind you stop and stare at. He had the floor, he was dead center. I was standing at the side, talking with my girl friends. This guy gave me a look and caught my eye. A few minutes later as I was turned talking to my girl friends, he comes over in the middle of his “routine” grabs my hand and kisses it and asks me to wait for him later. Almost instantly my girl friends and I gave each other a look. We had the same thought- Suave. So how many times has he done that before?

There are plenty of people out there that feel as though the (excessively) revealing clothing and shaking their butt in front of strangers is going to get their attention. There are also those that feel that suave moves and a player facade will get you attention. It may get you the attention, but not the attention that you want. You won’t be taken seriously. When you think that you’re getting the other persons attention, chances are they’re really thinking of how they could never date you.

Be yourself. Introduce yourself and give the other person a sincere look of interest. That alone will score more points then you could imagine.

After dating someone for awhile you realize that the cloud is gone and they do things that are annoying or frustrating. There’s nothing wrong with that, it just means that you have to make adjustments in order to deal with it. So how do you differentiate between things that you should let go and things that you should have a discussion with your significant other about?

One way you know that its an issue that needs to be discussed is if something that you’re significant other is doing is affecting other people and it involves you. For example, if your significant other is always making both of you late when you have to be somewhere, that is something that is not only rude to the people that you’re supposed to meet but it also is embarrassing to you. One way to fix the lateness problem is to have a talk with your significant other about managing his or her time better and make sure that you tell him or her exactly how you feel. Another way is by manipulating the time yourself. Figure out how late your significant other usually is. If it’s usually by twenty minutes and you have to be somewhere by 8:30pm, tell your significant other that you have to be there at 8pm. If they run 20 minutes late, you still get there 10 minutes early.

Another way you know that it’s an issue that needs to be discussed is if it’s something that absolutely hurts your feelings. Hurt feelings can linger and effect your relationship if they’re not resolved so they should be talked out with your significant other as soon as possible.

Some things that should be let go are little things such as the toilet seat being left up or someone forgot to wash a dish. While these things may be annoying, they’re nothing to bring up and constantly nag about. If your significant other does 97% of things correct in the relationship but then forgot to do something small just let it go. If they do it once, let it go. If they do something constantly then talk to them about it, they might not even realize that they’re doing it. If it’s something you can get past, then just let it go. It’s not being passive, it’s just realizing that there are more important things to worry about in life. Concentrate on the good things that they do instead. If your significant other made you a beautiful dinner, but left the toilet seat afterwards just concentrate on the fact that a beautiful dinner was made and put the seat down yourself.

Just remember, life and relationships aren’t about an empty glass in the sink or a jar sitting on the counter that someone forgot to put away. It’s about love and making memories and all of the positive things that make up life and your relationship with that person in the first place. A good person is hard to find. Appreciate that and the great things about them instead.

From the moment you start dating, you quickly become aware that dating isn’t all candy and flowers. There are safety issues to be aware of. You are hte person that you have to look out for, so make sure to take these safety precautions before you go on a date with someone, especially if you and this person are newly dating. As much as you never want to think about the worst happening, it’s better to be safe then sorry. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that something couldn’t happen to you. Have a great time and have fun, but your safety should be your number one concern.

Tell someone where you’re going and who you’re going with.

It doesn’t matter if you’re 17 or 27, should you not show up back home there needs to be someone reliable that knows who you were last with and where you were supposed to be.

Don’t drink excessively.

WHen you drink excessively you lose your inhibitions. Being on a date alone with someone that you barely know isn’t a good time for this to happen. You need all of your wits about you and drinking excessively doesn’t help that.

If you’re uncomfortable, say so.

Sounds simple enough, right? Well some people just don’t do it out of fear of embarassing themselves or the other person or they have the mindset that they could be overthinking a situation. There is no reason why you should feel uncomfortable on a date. It doesn’t matteri f you feel insulted, if you were touched inappropriately or anything else that just doesn’t sit right with you, you need to tell the person that is putting you in this position that you don’t feel comfortable. Make your voice heard.

Go to and stick to public places.

When you’re newly dating, you could feel like you know this person extremely well, but you still don’t. Stick to public places for dates while you’re newly dating. Give it more time before you start going somewhere private.

When you begin dating, you start to pick out the characteristics of a mate that are most desirable. After a few dates with a few people, there’s a good chance that you could look back and realize that those that you have dated are quite similar to each other. But what happens when you form the idea in your head of what type of mate that you want and you stick to only that?

As much as we would like to have the ability to mold our mate to our exact specifications, we can’t. I’ve known women who refuse to date men that aren’t blond and I’ve known men that refuse to date women that are over 5′3. Those are their types and their sticking to them. But why? Is it out of habit, preference or just refusal to back down off of getting exactly what they want? Who says that the 5′3 woman is going to be a better girlfriend then the 5′7 woman? Why couldn’t the brunette man be the perfect person for the woman looking for a blond man?

Instead of passing over on a date because that person doesn’t meet a specific type that you’re set on, maybe that person is exactly what you’re looking for. Set a challenge for yourself. If someone asks you out, or you have an opportunity to go out on a date with a person that you would otherwise pass on, give it a shot. It could be the best decision that you ever made. What do you have to lose?