Dating

Did you ever have a friend that as soon as they found a boyfriend or girlfriend, they suddenly started to vanish? The calls became less frequent and they hung out with you less and less. Probably. You may even be one of those people. Now granted, it may be that you see this friend less because suddenly you have another person that you share your life with where you have a second set of family obligations to deal with along with alone time that you would like with this other person, but most people don’t let it affect their friendships to a severe point.

What if this friend flat out told you that they couldn’t go out anymore because they had a boyfriend? It happened to me and yes, I was extremely hurt. This person flat out told me that because they had a boyfriend they could no longer get lunch, go for a walk or to get some coffee. This person stated that they had a future to plan with this person that they were dating. However, I was told that I could occasionally stop over the house if I wanted to. I was also told that things are different then from the person that I am dating because she hasn’t been dating this guy that long (they’ve been dating for two years). Not relatively new in my opinion. Apparently this message has also been relayed to her other friends who see no problem with her saying that she is not going to be going out anymore and sees no problem with the fact that she doesn’t ever pick up the phone when she’s in his presence.

As much as I care for this friend, it’s simply not worth my time and my hurt has turned to an “I don’t care attitude.” I find no point in doing everything I can for a friendship that has a cloud looming over it. I’m definitely not the only person to have gone through this situation and I’m sure as hell not going to be last and frankly, it’s disappointing that some people don’t realize how precious a good friend can truly be.

Friends are important and it doesn’t matter if you are single, dating or you’re married. Friends are who you can turn to when you’re having problems and when you need a hug or a simple night out away from everything. Being friends with someone doesn’t mean picking up and dropping the person because you found someone to date. Your friends should be just as big a part of your future as the person that you can see yourself spending the rest of your life with.

In the age of Facebook and Myspace, has the art of asking for someone‘s phone number disappeared? I don’t remember the last time one of my friends has told me that they gave their phone number to someone. They’ve been telling me that they exchanged Myspace or Facebook information.

Now while doing this has its good points, it also has its bad. First of all, it’s sort of like having a textual relationship (talking via text instead of picking up the phone and talking to your significant other). The benefit of technology has, while making our lives easier, also made us less communicative with others if there needs to be effort made. Many people just simply prefer to text or to IM rather than pick up the phone.

The other problem is that each person can get the wrong impression of the other. Say you use Facebook IM and one person makes a joke, but the other person takes it seriously. It’s a little difficult to decipher conversations online, even when using emoticons (::rolls eyes :: ). You can’t hear the persons voice, so it’s a little hard to get a good read on what they mean when they make certain statements.

Don’t forget the issue of trying to be friends with someone who misinterprets your intentions just because you exchange facebook or Myspace information with them.

On the other hand, it seems to ease the nervousness of contacting someone that you’re interested in. It’s a lot less nerve-wracking when you’re sending a “Hey how are ya?” IM on facebook or a message on Myspace then when you have to pick up the phone worried that you’re going to sound like an ass. This can be a blessing for the incredibly shy people who are just trying to make it past the first three words.

Giving someone your online information is also good because if they turn out to be a complete jerk that you can’t get rid of,  it’s much easier to block them then to have to deal with avoiding their phone calls and then finally having to change your phone number. Not to mention it’s less expensive (uh, $15 charge each time my phone number gets changed- and no it doesn’t matter the reason).

My personal opinion is do whatever you feel comfortable with. However, when it comes to conversing over the computer, make sure you ask before you flip out over something someone said. Question them first and let them know that you don’t want to misinterpret what was said. One warning though. Make sure that your relationship, whatever it may be, doesn’t stay completely online or via text. Give them your phone number after you develop more of an impression of them. It’s still great to hear the other person’s voice and develop more of a personal connection with them.

The internet can be quite a blessing, but it can also be a curse. It can be the missing link between you and that ex you haven’t heard from in years. It’s where you can check up on them and see what they’ve been doing with themselves. Is it a good idea? Absolutely not. It’s basically considered self inflicting torture. Think about it. You type your ex’s name into Facebook, Google, or any other webpage in hopes that you’ll find them. Before you know it, you see their name pop up. If they royally hurt you and screwed you over, then part of you…probably a good part…is hoping that they’re not doing so great. Maybe they’re living in their parents basement and they’re 40 years old or maybe, just maybe, they found someone else, but that person recently dumped them (for your ex’s brother). But what if they’re not doing badly? What if your ex has a totally hot, new significant other? That dream job that they always wanted…yea they got it…by sleeping their way to the top.

As tempting as it may be to do some checking into what your ex is doing, it’s far from being a great idea. Instead of wondering what they’re up to, stick to the last memories of what you have with them. That is the only thing that you should think of. Nothing that they’re doing now has any impact on your life. You’re better off not knowing.

Sure it may not be the easiest thing to talk to an attractive stranger. By the time you work yourself up to talk to that person, they’ve walked away and you’re left wondering what could have been had you only opened your mouth. If you’re wondering how to gain the confidence to talk to that attractive stranger across the room, here are some tips.

Tell yourself that if you lose this chance, you may not get it back again.

Is not being able to have have the confidence to have a conversation with someone really worth losing a chance with someone potentially great?

Give yourself a pep talk from the moment you’re getting ready for as long as you feel that you need it.

Don’t start doing it when you actually see someone you’re interested in talking to them, that’s too late. By that time it may talk so long for you to work up the courage that you may never get your chance.

Look fabulous.

When you dress well you feel more confident. You know you look good, therefore you have no questions going through your mind about your appearance.

Have a couple of sips of alcohol first (of course, if you’re legal age).

While alcohol obviously isn’t the answer to all life’s problems, it will relax you a little bit so when you walk up you’re not so nervous that you can’t manage to get two words out.

Have the mentality that whatever will happen, will happen.

Don’t go into the conversation preparing to get a phone number, but don’t go in there preparing to get rejected either. Go into the approach telling yourself that at least you tried and whatever is going to happen, you’re okay with.

You can basically meet singles anywhere. The possibilities are all over the place. However, for those saying “But I tried and it’s not happening! Give me specifics!”, here are three great places for you to go and meet other singles.

The dog park
You may not even have to do the work, your dog may do it for you. Your dog meets a dog, one thing leads to another and before you know it you’re conversing with the other dog’s owner who happens to be quite attractive. Even sitting next to a good looking stranger can spur conversation as you watch the dogs run around together. Besides, at least you know that both of you are dog lovers.

The book store

I happen to find reading sexy. It shows that the person is willing to go out of their way to expand their mind and read something that they’re not being forced to read (I.e. all of those boring documents at work). A book store is chock full of people who love reading and who, chances are, love talking about the book that they’re currently reading. Feel free to ask a good looking stranger for advice on your next read (or offer up your own opinion on a book you see them holding).

The hardware store

Yes, I’m serious. It’s great when people are willing to try to fix things themselves instead of automatically running to call the nearest professional for something small. Ask a stranger for advice on carpeting or start up a simple conversation over which type of paint you like best.

Simply going to these places isn’t going to ensure that another single is going to approach you. Make your approach!

Sure we may not always look our best when we step out of our home. How many times have you stepped out in a tank top with baggy Capri pants, hair thrown up in ridiculously messy pile on your head and big sunglasses to erase the fact that you drank too much last night and you had no energy to wear makeup? When you’re single, you never know who you’re going to run into and where. Chances are when you look your worst, you’ll run into the gorgeous man that you wanted when you were friends in college…and he’s single. Chances are you’re not exactly feeling your sexiest at that moment.

When you are out during the day you should dress to impress…yourself that is. Forget about anyone else. When you go out on a date you dress to feel good and to make a good impression to your date. When you go out during the day to run to the post office or the supermarket, you don’t exactly think about dressing to impress the tons of people you’ll pass along the way. However, you should at least dress to feel good about yourself. People pick up on those good vibes, that positive energy, plus the fact that you just feel good in your own skin. That’s sexy and that is what’s going to get a stranger talking to you and possibly asking you for your number. Being single can be difficult, putting out positive energy is going to do nothing but help you. I’m not saying you have to go out in a ball gown and your stilettos, but when you step out look presentable. Just feel good in what you wear. I don’t know anyone who steps out in giant sweats, a stained t-shirt and a big hoodie and feels like they look gorgeous. Hell, even if you throw on a pair of jeans, a cute t-shirt, a little makeup and hair combed, it’ll make you feel better then the sweatpants garb. When you dress frumpy, you feel frumpy. Even if you don’t meet someone while you’re out, you’ll still go home feeling good about yourself.

It’s no secret that breaking up with the person that you’re dating isn’t easy. While you may be tempted to use some of the following, especially if the person screws you over, I wouldn’t recommend it. Being a good person is more important.

The ways you should never break up with someone you’re dating are:

Order a pizza. Then spell out, “We’re done idiot” in pepperoni on top.

Sneak in their bathroom while they’re taking a shower, write out “Don’t call me again” in the fog on the bathroom mirror, grab your stuff and make a run for it.

Go to an incredibly expensive restaurant with the person you’re dating. Order the priciest thing on the menu, eat it, then excuse yourself to go to the bathroom. Ask the waiter to stick a note in with the bill that says “Have fun finding someone else to deal with your crap. We’re over.” Leave and change your phone number.

Send them a singing telegram…to their office.

Change their screensaver to a breakup message.

Have the new person that you’re dating call them and tell them.

Post a blog on whatever social networking site you use explaining that your now ex just couldn’t fulfill your sexual needs. Send it to all of his friends.

Send a text message saying “You’re not good enough for me. I’ve found someone else.”

Would you consider dating someone who was separated and/ or in the process of getting a divorce? Obviously this is a tricky situation and you need to think long and hard before you proceed with your decision.

Legally the person that you want and their spouse are still married. It’s complicated enough, maybe so much so that you throwing yourself into the mix may not be such a good idea. While the possibility of them getting back together isn’t likely, the option is still there especially if they’re still legally married. Ending a marriage is a huge decision so some may choose to stay and work through it…and that leaves you in the dust. Remember that the person you want has no commitment to you, they do however have a commitment to their spouce.

Your best bet may be to just back off and stay friends only with this person until the ink dries (fully) on the divorce papers. You may even want to wait awhile after that. Ending a marriage is draining and the persons heart may not be in the right place for them to jump into another relationship. Before you rush into what it is that you want, consider where the other person is as well. If you really are interested in this person, you definitely don’t want to be considered a rebound and chucked to the curb a few months later. Take your time and let things develop when everything else settles down.

Why next weekend you ask? Well The Dark Knight comes out. I am incredibly excited to see this movie. Instead of going out at night like many people prefer, switch it up and go during the day. A matinee is a lot less expensive then going at night time to see the movie plus you definitely get to deal with less crowds. Then after the movie you can go on a nice picnic to the park and have some good eats (that way you also won‘t fill up on expensive movie candy beforehand). Enjoy the beautiful weather, the summer only lasts for so long!

If you are going to be thinking of what to do on July 17th, there is free waterfront boxing at 7pm on Hudson River Park’s Pier 84. While this isn’t exactly what you would think of for your ideal date, it is something different to do, especially for people who either like boxing, like sports or are just looking to do something they haven’t done before. This is especially a good idea if the woman is planning the date and the guy happens to like boxing. Plus it’s free, you can’t get better then that. However, if you want a seat right up front, the ticket price goes up to $30. For more info check out fridaynightfights.com.