Dating

After you have an enjoyable first date where you’re interested in seeing the person again, how exactly are you supposed to ask for a second date?

The best way to go about it is to bring it up during the first date, then call a few days later to ask for a second date. When you bring it up during the first date, you can get an impression on whether or not the person would go out with you again. Say something such as “I had a great time. We should do this again.” A classic line, yes, but it works to gauge the other person’s interest. If your date has a non-fake smile, shows genuine interest and says “Yes we should.” then go ahead and call. If your date seems hesitant, then you can take your chances of calling, but don’t expect much. If you get an oh-so-fake smile and a “Yeaa, ok…” or gives you a flat out “no” well then you obviously know where you stand.

If you don’t mention something on the first date and the other person is interested in you, then you leave them wondering and pondering whether or not you’re actually going to call, if you had a great time, if you’re interested, etc. You may think it’s a smart move, but it’s not.

I just wanted to put out an apology for my lack of posts lately. I’ve been dealing with a family emergency and will resume regular posts as of tomorrow.

Casually dating isn’t so complicated, that is, until you realize that you want to take it to the next level and be exclusive with the person you’re interested in. Granted, it doesn’t have to be complicated, but sometimes it is. So how do you take your casual dating relationship to exclusive?

It’s quite simple, you have to ask. Yes it’s scary, but it’s so much better knowing where both you and the other person stand as opposed to being clueless and trying to analyze every little thing that they do for some type of answer.

Here are the situations that could happen. S/he could either say that they have feelings for you as well and want to be exclusive, they don’t want to be exclusive and want to continue casually dating, or they’ll break everything off entirely. Being faced with these three options leads people to back off from bringing up the topic of exclusivity in the first place.

Let’s break down these situations.

If s/he wants to be exclusive, great, you got what you want and you can see where it goes from there.

They don’t want to be exclusive but want to continue casually dating you. Here’s the problem with this scenario. You could still go out and casually date other people, but while you’re also still casually dating this person, you’re heart is going to have some form of attachment and therefore you are less likely to be able to give your heart to someone else. They may not ever be able (or want) to be exclusive with you. You’re better off breaking it off all together so you can completely move on. Why would you sit there and waste your time with someone who doesn’t want what you want? This leads me to the third scenario.

S/he breaks off everything entirely after you bring up being exclusive. This is probably what scares a person the most out of the three options. Here’s the thing. If a guy or girl is given the option to be with someone that they have feelings for, chances are they’re going to jump at the chance. If the person has feelings and doesn’t take the opportunity, well then they have an issue that you can’t fix and they’re going to have to work through it themself.

If you let the person go and they don’t come back to you willing to work on things, then they’re not worth your time and you’re better off finding someone else. If they do come back, then they realized what they had, what they lost, and what they don’t want to live without.

I know from personal experience how much it hurts to be in a situation like this and how frustrating it can be. However, I also know that it does, in all honesty, work out for the best.

After a breakup, many people find themselves on the rebound. They’re looking for someone to temporarily fill the void that they feel. But what do you do if you’re on the receiving end of that attention?

I would say to have zero expectations. The person could say nice things, take you out on fabulous dinners and make you feel like you’re the most important person in the world. Unfortunately, they may not always mean it. Yes, it’s not great to hear, but it’s the truth. If you have the expectation that you’re going to date this person long term, marry them, have a family with them, etc, then you could be setting yourself up for disaster. Don’t forget, sometimes a couple that has broken up gets back together. If strong feelings are still there between your current interest and his/her ex, you need to realize that you are not number one…yet. You are currently second to his ex. Not a great feeling, but something that will help to keep you from getting unnecessarily hurt.

I’m not saying to completely disregard this person at all. Take your time and take things slow. Most of the time with a breakup, both parties do not come out unscathed. Give the person time to heal before you force expectations on them and/or make them go to the next level. Don’t force them to give you attention or commitment. You want to make sure that that person is interested in you because of you, not because of the lack of someone else.

Communication and observation is key in this situation. Talk to this person and see how they feel about you and how they feel about their ex, but don‘t push for information. Remember to talk and not interrogate. Observe them. Look for signs of his/her attention being more focused on you and spending time with you. Look for this person to have a genuine interest in moving on instead of a fake, forced interest in doing so.

If and when things are ready to happen, they will.

I remember when a guy I knew told me a story about how a girl he went on a few dates with basically turned into a screaming banshee when they were stuck in traffic; I mean basically cursing, screaming, giving the middle finger, etc. After that situation he never quite looked at her the same way again, after all it was only their second date. He didn’t really have much to go by as far as personality goes since he didn’t know her that well. She could have been having a bad day, but for all he knows she was a complete psycho.

If bad things happen on a date, take it in stride. Have a good attitude and watch how you act. Remember, if you just met this person, they don’t know all of who you are. The person is still going by how you act and learning about you day by day. If you go and act like a nut job in front of them by say, shrieking and throwing plates at the waiter that wrote your order down wrong, the person is going to run from you faster then the waiter will duck. If the other person sees you being calm, cool and collected, they’re going to think you’re a fabulous person who can handle themself well.

If you find yourself getting infuriated, take deep breaths. Remember that situations can be worse and you need to deal with it in a proper manner. Don’t just use these techniques during a date, use them in the rest of your life as well.

It is incredibly important that while you are dating someone, you don’t lose who you are. There are too many people that start dating someone, only to forget everything that they loved before they met this person. The person that you are dating found you attractive in the first place, part of it is because you had your own life and you had your own hobbies. If that person doesn’t like it now, then maybe it’s time that you reevaluate your relationship.

Whatever hobbies you loved before, keep doing it! If you have no idea how to get back into it if you already feel like you have lost part of yourself, take small steps.

If you loved cooking, head to a cooking class and learn something new.
If you loved exercise, get up an hour early and go for a run.

There are those that were into dancing at clubs at all hours. If your significant other isn’t into doing this, you may just give it up all together. Suggest to your significant other that you go once in awhile with each other. If you don’t miss the club scene but miss the dancing, start taking a dance class.

You can also look for a volunteer opportunity that matches just what you are looking for.

Just remember, while you share your life with someone that you’re dating, it doesn’t mean that they should become your life.

I’ve heard from many people that a relationship scares the hell out of them. Maybe they’ve been cheated on before. Maybe a significant other passed away. Whatever the reason, it makes the thought of a relationship unbearable. Don’t get me wrong, relationships are scary and I can completely understand how it can freak some people out. However, there must be an understanding that not all people are the same. Not everyone is going to hurt you. Say you meet a great woman and you end up blowing her off because you’re scared. What did you get out of it? You don’t have the woman you want, and your fear certainly isn’t going to keep you warm at night. Not to mention if your ex is the one that hurt you and that’s why you’re scared, you’re letting your ex have power over you. Who the hell wants that? You want to feel loved and you want to be happy, why should you let your ex have all the fun of finding their own person? However, don’t rush into a relationship, take the time to develop one.

Allow your heart to be open. Let yourself find the love you want and that you deserve. The benefits of love are worth more than not taking the chance on it in the first place.

On the first date, do you believe that it is okay to stretch the truth about your life? For example, should you say that you’re 29 when you’re really 33? In my opinion, absolutely not.

I’m not a fan of stretching the truth, or basically lying. Look at it this way. Using the example above, when the person you’re dating finds out that you’re not the age you said you were, how is he supposed to react to being fibbed to. Not only that, but now his family and friends are going to know your age. How is he supposed to explain getting your age wrong? If he says “She told me she was that age” you now look like a liar to the people he cares about the most. You may not think of it as a big deal, but loved ones are THE MOST critical regarding who the person dates. Any indication that you’re a liar or that you “stretched the truth” is not going to be attractive to them.

The only way to start out dating anyone, especially if it could turn into long term, is to start out with pure honesty. Besides, the person is eventually going to find out that whatever you fibbed about isn’t true.

You should be who you truly are with no shame to it at all. No one is perfect and you should own up to the great things that you’ve done and who you are as well as what your flaws are (whatever you consider them to be).

If you feel that you have to fib about something, then that’s an internal issue that you have to deal with. If you feel that you have to fib because of the other person, then you probably shouldn’t be dating them in the first place.

I love seeing people that have been dating for awhile still holding hands. It seems to be something that goes away after dating for months or years and it absolutely shouldn’t. Holding hands can be quite beneficial to a relationship.

The simple act of holding hands allows the two people that are dating to share physical intimacy in some small way. Many people aren’t’ fans of kissing in public and most people won’t be on top of each other out of respect for those around them. The small act of holding hands can give you many different feelings- a jolt of happiness, comfort when you are feeling down and even the occasional feeling of arousal.

You feel closer when you hold hands. It’s sort of like putting a puzzle together. Consider your hands puzzle pieces. When you hold hands, it’s a small reminder that you two fit together perfectly and still do after all the time of dating. Slightly corny, but true.

Who knew that holding hands with your significant other could hold so many benefits?

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