Dating

I’ve heard from many people that a relationship scares the hell out of them. Maybe they’ve been cheated on before. Maybe a significant other passed away. Whatever the reason, it makes the thought of a relationship unbearable. Don’t get me wrong, relationships are scary and I can completely understand how it can freak some people out. However, there must be an understanding that not all people are the same. Not everyone is going to hurt you. Say you meet a great woman and you end up blowing her off because you’re scared. What did you get out of it? You don’t have the woman you want, and your fear certainly isn’t going to keep you warm at night. Not to mention if your ex is the one that hurt you and that’s why you’re scared, you’re letting your ex have power over you. Who the hell wants that? You want to feel loved and you want to be happy, why should you let your ex have all the fun of finding their own person? However, don’t rush into a relationship, take the time to develop one.

Allow your heart to be open. Let yourself find the love you want and that you deserve. The benefits of love are worth more than not taking the chance on it in the first place.

In the age of Facebook and Myspace, has the art of asking for someone‘s phone number disappeared? I don’t remember the last time one of my friends has told me that they gave their phone number to someone. They’ve been telling me that they exchanged Myspace or Facebook information.

Now while doing this has its good points, it also has its bad. First of all, it’s sort of like having a textual relationship (talking via text instead of picking up the phone and talking to your significant other). The benefit of technology has, while making our lives easier, also made us less communicative with others if there needs to be effort made. Many people just simply prefer to text or to IM rather than pick up the phone.

The other problem is that each person can get the wrong impression of the other. Say you use Facebook IM and one person makes a joke, but the other person takes it seriously. It’s a little difficult to decipher conversations online, even when using emoticons (::rolls eyes :: ). You can’t hear the persons voice, so it’s a little hard to get a good read on what they mean when they make certain statements.

Don’t forget the issue of trying to be friends with someone who misinterprets your intentions just because you exchange facebook or Myspace information with them.

On the other hand, it seems to ease the nervousness of contacting someone that you’re interested in. It’s a lot less nerve-wracking when you’re sending a “Hey how are ya?” IM on facebook or a message on Myspace then when you have to pick up the phone worried that you’re going to sound like an ass. This can be a blessing for the incredibly shy people who are just trying to make it past the first three words.

Giving someone your online information is also good because if they turn out to be a complete jerk that you can’t get rid of,  it’s much easier to block them then to have to deal with avoiding their phone calls and then finally having to change your phone number. Not to mention it’s less expensive (uh, $15 charge each time my phone number gets changed- and no it doesn’t matter the reason).

My personal opinion is do whatever you feel comfortable with. However, when it comes to conversing over the computer, make sure you ask before you flip out over something someone said. Question them first and let them know that you don’t want to misinterpret what was said. One warning though. Make sure that your relationship, whatever it may be, doesn’t stay completely online or via text. Give them your phone number after you develop more of an impression of them. It’s still great to hear the other person’s voice and develop more of a personal connection with them.

Dating can be a bit nerve-wracking, but only if you let it. You can’t exactly avoid dating and you can’t just not get jitters, so how can you deal with the jitters as well as minimize them?

Do deep breathing at least a few hours before the date. Not only will this help you clear your mind, but it will also help you to relax your body.

Have one outfit planned along with two backups. Pick them out the night before. You’re probably thinking “Is she crazy? I’m going to have a hard enough time picking out one outfit and she’s telling me to pick out three?” Yes you may have a difficult time picking out one outfit, but think about the problem you’re going to have if you put on that outfit half an hour before your date and realize that it doesn’t look good on you. If you have two backups already picked out, you won’t have to go crazy picking out something else.

Get all of your errands accomplished hours before or hours after your date. If you have a date planned for 8pm and it takes you about an hour to get ready, try to get home by 6pm. If you get stuck in traffic, you got caught up at work, or one of your errands takes longer than expected, you already gave yourself an hour window for any interferences that could come up with you getting ready on time. If you get home at 6pm, then you can simply just relax before you have to get ready. If you have to run around because you’re late and your date is going to be there in twenty minutes, your nerves will be all awry.

Keep telling yourself good thoughts. Tell yourself that although you have every reason to be slightly nervous, there’s no reason to have tons of jitters. Consider the date to be just going out and having a good time with no expectations involved. Take the moments as they come. Don’t think of the worst or wonder what’s going to happen next. The more you’re constantly thinking ahead, the less likely you are to be present and enjoying the moments that are happening right then and there. Keep telling yourself positive thoughts all day if you have to.

Your date should be fun and enjoyable! Don’t let nerves and jitters get in the way.