Dating

It must be something in the air lately, but I’ve had more people than usual tell me that they met someone whose ex is still in the picture. I was asked if they should continue to hope that the person that they’re interested will get rid of the ex.

Basically if your interest’s ex is around, you may have a problem. If the person that you’re interested in refuses after a long while to push the ex away and focus on you, you may want to focus on other options. Ex’s can be messy and you don’t want any part of that drama. You also don’t want to get your heart smashed to bits.

Here’s some hope for you. For the most part, not all but many people will push their ex out of their life if there is a potential new person in the picture. If they person is interested in you and they want more, there’s no need for the ex to be anywhere around. Slowly but surely, you may start to represent the present and future while the ex will just represent the past.

If the ex is in the picture and s/he wants your interest back and/or you suspect that your interest still has strong feelings, it’s a situation you don’t want to be involved in. Don’t force them to get rid of the ex, but honestly express how you feel and take it from there. You can’t make someone do something that they’re not willing to do.

If you’re attracted to your friend’s significant other, you may see it as an opportunity when they break up with each other for you to make your move. Let me put it in simple terms- The ex’s of your friends are off limits. Plain and simple. As much as you would like to sit here and read that it’s okay that you go after your friend’s ex, it’s not going to happen.

Chances are your relationship with your friend will be ruined…gone, kaput, slaughtered, vanished…you get the point. Second of all, if by some chance your friend keeps you in their life, you can’t talk to them about your relationship. Are you really going to sit there and basically compare notes? It’s very hard to listen to someone talk about your ex, even if you don’t have any feelings for your ex at all, and not feel a twinge of anger, jealousy or sadness toward them.

Don’t think that you asking your friend first is going to make it any better. It won’t. Just because they tell you that it’s okay to make your move, doesn’t mean that it is.

Also, you put your friend’s ex and your friend in an awkward position. Are you really prepared to do that to two people that you care about?

There are so many other people on this planet that aren’t your friend’s ex. You’re better off skipping over this person and moving on.

I’ve heard from many people that a relationship scares the hell out of them. Maybe they’ve been cheated on before. Maybe a significant other passed away. Whatever the reason, it makes the thought of a relationship unbearable. Don’t get me wrong, relationships are scary and I can completely understand how it can freak some people out. However, there must be an understanding that not all people are the same. Not everyone is going to hurt you. Say you meet a great woman and you end up blowing her off because you’re scared. What did you get out of it? You don’t have the woman you want, and your fear certainly isn’t going to keep you warm at night. Not to mention if your ex is the one that hurt you and that’s why you’re scared, you’re letting your ex have power over you. Who the hell wants that? You want to feel loved and you want to be happy, why should you let your ex have all the fun of finding their own person? However, don’t rush into a relationship, take the time to develop one.

Allow your heart to be open. Let yourself find the love you want and that you deserve. The benefits of love are worth more than not taking the chance on it in the first place.

The internet can be quite a blessing, but it can also be a curse. It can be the missing link between you and that ex you haven’t heard from in years. It’s where you can check up on them and see what they’ve been doing with themselves. Is it a good idea? Absolutely not. It’s basically considered self inflicting torture. Think about it. You type your ex’s name into Facebook, Google, or any other webpage in hopes that you’ll find them. Before you know it, you see their name pop up. If they royally hurt you and screwed you over, then part of you…probably a good part…is hoping that they’re not doing so great. Maybe they’re living in their parents basement and they’re 40 years old or maybe, just maybe, they found someone else, but that person recently dumped them (for your ex’s brother). But what if they’re not doing badly? What if your ex has a totally hot, new significant other? That dream job that they always wanted…yea they got it…by sleeping their way to the top.

As tempting as it may be to do some checking into what your ex is doing, it’s far from being a great idea. Instead of wondering what they’re up to, stick to the last memories of what you have with them. That is the only thing that you should think of. Nothing that they’re doing now has any impact on your life. You’re better off not knowing.